You’re invited to a wedding this year — or perhaps to multiple weddings — but once the initial joy wears off the numbers quickly start to add up. Even if you’re not involved with the wedding the expenses for new clothes, travel and accommodations can put a real dent in your budget.
And then there’s the often controversial question of how much you’re supposed to spend on a wedding gift. How much is enough (or too much!), and what should you know before you hit the stores?
In addition, guests shouldn’t feel they have to shell out big bucks for couples who have the means to hold a large, lavish wedding or get married in a large city like Toronto or Vancouver. In fact, some guests take the opposite approach and spend a little more on smaller weddings because their travel and accommodation costs are lower, and they feel that less well-off couples could use a little extra help.
So what’s a more realistic measure? Forget the numbers. Instead, consider your relationship with the couple and your financial situation. The Wedding Channel advises that the only rule of thumb is to avoid spending more than you can afford. (After all, how would you feel if someone spent more than you knew they could afford on a gift for you?) The Emily Post Institute says there’s no rule for spending, and it should be up to guests to decide for themselves. Affection and budget are the only guides you need.
The bottom line: It’s up to you to decide how much you want to, and can afford to, spend on a gift. When it comes to proper etiquette, the onus is on the hosts to be gracious and grateful recipients.
“I dos” for the gift-giver
So how can you choose the perfect gift while staying within your means? Here are some tips to stretch your gift-giving dollars:
- Set a budget to avoid over-spending. How many weddings are you attending this year? Will you be invited to other gift-giving events like bridal showers as well? Do you plan to send a gift even if you’re not attending? A good place to start is to estimate your total costs and draw up a reasonable budget accordingly. For instance, if you’re invited to two showers in addition to the wedding, divide your gift-giving budget among these events rather than spending a large amount each time.
- Start a savings plan. Once you’ve got an idea of how cash you’ll need, start setting aside money each week or month (or each pay cheque) to help spread out the costs. You likely won’t earn much interest on your accumulating total, but you can avoid paying interest on your credit card later on.
Rules of thumb?
How much should you spend? It depends on who you ask, and there’s no shortage of opinions out there. We scanned the internet looking for solid numbers, and here are the results for Canada and the U.S.:
- The bare minimum: For co-workers, distant relatives, distant family friends and people you aren’t that close to many sources say you shouldn’t spend less than $50. However, some put the price tag a little lower ($25-$35) and some aim higher ($75).
- For relatives and friends, the recommended range is about $75-$100. (Again, some sources go $25 lower or higher).
- For close friends and close family members, the range starts at $100 and can top out at $150 – $200.
- Parents of the bride and groom, siblings and members of the bridal party may be “expected” to pay more, but most sources won’t give specific numbers as contributions to the wedding itself need to be factored in.
Remember, these numbers are per person . If you’re bringing a spouse or a date the expectation is that both people contribute and buy a gift that’s roughly double the price for a single person. What about kids? Some sources say you should spend more on a gift if you’re bringing them along too.
What about that common trick of gauging your gift at the price of the meal? Bad idea, say etiquette experts. While the wedding gift has become a social obligation, it’s important to remember that bringing a gift to any occasion is a voluntary act that expresses affection and joy. It’s bad manners for the host to expect any gift at all let alone one that covers “the price of admission”.
- Stick to the registry… or not? Despite what you may have read, you’re under no obligation to stick to the registry. (It’s not a list of demands — it’s there for your convenience). The ideas can provide a good guideline, but you don’t have to buy those exact items at the prices listed. Look for similar items that are comparable in quality but lower in price, or comparison shop with other stores to get the best deal.
Note: Make sure to check off the item on the registry even if you don’t buy it at the listed store. That way the bride and groom won’t get duplicate gifts.
- Do your homework. Impulse buying can be your worst enemy. Take the time to do a little research and compare prices between stores. Read product reviews to see what others are saying about the products, and check out sources that test and evaluate products, like Consumer Reports .
- Watch the flyers. Once you’ve got a few ideas in mind start watching the flyers. The bride and groom won’t know you hit a 20 percent off sale or used a discount coupon. (Hint: Check out online flyer websites if you don’t get them in your mailbox — see Click your way to savings for details).
- Sign up for promotions. While you’re looking at the online registry see if the store has an email list you can join to keep you informed about upcoming sales, promotions and coupons.
- Cash in on loyalty programs (with caution). If applicable, you can use rewards points to help defray the costs. But use this tip with caution — find out what happens if the bride and groom want to return the gift because a cash refund or store credit may not be possible.
- Get together. Did the pricy items on the registry make you cringe? Chip in with friends and relatives and split the cost. Couples often ask for big-ticket items in the hopes that people will go together on a gift — not spend big bucks.
Another gift idea that everyone can contribute to is a gift basket. Pick up a basket at your local craft store (with a discount coupon, of course), line it with tea towels and fill it with useful items. (You can even throw in a few free samples or re-gifted items if you’re careful).
- Buy quality. Wedding gifts don’t have to be expensive, but they should never be cheap. Spend the money on good quality items that will last throughout the years. Also, avoid trendy colours and bold patterns that aren’t to everyone’s taste — the bride and groom may not like them, and they’ll inevitably end up looking dated.
- Save on shipping. Contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to take the gift to the reception. Many registries now offer a service where the store reserves or ships the item to a location designated by the bride and groom. The happy couple can pick it up at their convenience, and you don’t have to pay shipping charges or risk damage.
- Make a gift . If you’ve got the talent and the time, you can often produce a nice gift for the cost of materials. But be forewarned: Not everyone appreciates the hard work that goes into a hand-crafted gift. Check with the family or the couple before you start to make sure it’s appropriate — and to get some feedback on the specifications (like size, colour, etc).
- Defer the cost? You can buy some time (and room in your budget) by giving the gift after the wedding. Some sources say you have up to a year following the big event to give a gift, but beware that with conveniences like gift cards and online shopping your window of opportunity may now be as little as three months.
If you plan to defer the gift, protect your reputation by letting the couple know it will be coming at a later date. That way you won’t seem forgetful or remiss — or that you were pressured into giving a gift after the fact.
- When in doubt, ask. Some people feel it’s taboo to mention gifts or registries in the invitations, or ask for cash or gift cards. Just because the information isn’t there doesn’t mean you can’t find out. Talk to the bride and groom’s parents and the bridal party if you have questions or need some hints. (That’s part of their jobs as attendants). Wedding websites can provide this information too — but you may need the link and a password to get in.
There’s no magic formula for choosing the perfect gift. Despite your best intentions you can’t control how a gift will be viewed, if or how it will be used or if it will end up being returned. The point is that you acknowledge your loved one’s big event. It may sound trite, but it really is the thought that counts.
Sources: The Emily Post Institute, TheKnot.com, TheWeddingChannel.com, Miss Manner’s columns, wedding-related forums
How do you decide what to spend, and what do you think is reasonable? Tell us in the comments.
Photo ©iStockphoto.com/ Danny Hooks
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This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 7th, 2010 at 5:53 pm and is filed under ZoomerLife Lifestyle. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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